EVIL IS AS EVIL DOES SIX DEGREES OF ABOMINATION Most people are familiar with the "Six Degrees of Separation" theory, which holds that we are all connected by six or fewer stages of circumstance or acquaintance. Movie actor Kevin Bacon's career is often used to illustrate this concept. Because he has been so prolific, Bacon can usually be linked to any other actor by only one or two degrees. Sometimes however, the links aren't so direct. For instance, Seinfeld star Julia Louis-Dreyfus takes all six steps to make a chain. She was in Christmas Vacation with Randy Quaid, who was in Major League II with Tom Berenger, who was in Shattered with Greta Scacchi, who was in Presumed Innocent with Harrison Ford, who was in Raiders of the Lost Ark with Karen Allen, who was in Animal House with Kevin Bacon. You get the idea. Today, yer old pal Jerky would like to attempt something along similar lines, only instead of connecting Hollywood actors to each other, he's gonna see how many links it takes to connect the Bush family with some of history's most evil human beings. Let's give it a shot, shall we? ADOLPH HITLER There is one degree of separation between the Bush family and Adolph Hitler (and European fascism in general). They can be linked via brothers John Foster Dulles and Allen Dulles, two "establishment" lawyers who assisted Dubya's granddaddy, Prescott Bush - and Prescott's father-in-law George Herbert Walker - in their shady financial dealings with Nazi capital, which Prescott handled for Fritz Thyssen, who was one of Hitler's earliest financial backers. Allen Dulles - a close personal friend of Nazi "eastern front" general Reinhard Gehlen - went on to create the CIA, with a little help from Gehlen, who was paper-clipped Stateside after WWII, no questions asked. This was allegedly because the Powers That Be felt his value in the coming Cold War outweighed any atrocities he may have committed with the Yugoslavian Ustashe, Romania's Iron Guard and the Latvian Vanagis, among other so-called "anti-communist" nationalist organizations which the Nazis used as proxies to do some of their dirtiest dirty work. Daily Dirt readers are no doubt already familiar with Poppy Bush's special relationship with the CIA. LEE HARVEY OSWALD There is one degree of separation between the Bush family and Lee Harvey Oswald, the man who allegedly assassinated president John F. Kennedy. They are connected via George de Mohrenschildt, a Polish émigré-cum-oilman, employee of Prescott Bush, possible Nazi spy, and friend of both Lee Harvey Oswald and future president George Herbert Walker Bush. De Mohrenschildt committed "suicide" on the day he was contacted by the Select Committee on Assassinations (the second, less publicized government investigation into JFK's murder, which concluded that there likely was a conspiracy). De Mohrenschildt was instrumental in getting Oswald to move to Dallas. After his death in 1977, the following listings were found in de Mohrenschildt's address book: "Bush George H.W. (Poppy) 1412 W. Ohio and Zapata Petroleum Midland." Google "the Bay of Pigs thing" for more parenthetical insights. Also, considering the emerging evidence that elements within the Republican party were behind the recent military coup in Haiti, de Mohrenschildt's ties to former dictator Papa Doc Duvalier should not be ignored. JOHN HINCKLEY JR. There is one degree of separation between the Bush family and John Hinckley Junior, the man who tried to kill President Ronald Reagan when Poppy Bush was vice president. John Hinckley Senior was a Texas petroleum entrepreneur who contributed substantial amounts of cash to the elder Bush's political campaign coffers, up to and including GHWB's failed bid for the Republican presidential nomination in 1980. Furthermore, Hinckley scion Scott was scheduled to dine with Bush scion Neil the day after John's unsuccessful attempt on Reagan's life. The dinner date was cancelled, which I guess explains why the mainstream press mostly chose to ignore this incredible jumble of "coincidences." OSAMA BIN LADEN There is one degree of separation between the Bush family and Osama Bin Laden. They are connected via Texas financier/lawyer James Bath, the Saudi royal family, the notoriously corrupt, CIA-and-Mujahideen-connected Bank of Credit and Commerce International (BCCI), and the bin Laden clan, itself. Osama's older brother, Salem bin Laden, is alleged to have invested heavily in Preznit Dubya's failed Arbusto petro-industry startup, via Bath. The bin Laden family are also major investors in the Carlyle Group, as well as the Texas Teachers Fund, which was created by Preznit Dubya when he was but a lowly governor. Poppy Bush is currently senior advisor to the Asian Partners Fund, a Carlyle subsidiary with ties to former BCCI honcho (and DefSec) Frank Carlucci and Bush's former Secretary of State (who, while acting as Dubya's chief legal counsel during the Florida election fiasco, nebulously implied that there might be a military coup if Gore prevailed) James Baker III. Carlucci, Bush and Baker have paid at least three joint visits to the sprawling bin Laden family compound in Jeddah*, Saudi Arabia, and on the morning of September 11, 2001, Baker, Carlucci and members of the bin Laden family watched the terrorist attacks unfold on television from a conference room at Washington's Ritz-Carlton hotel. Poppy Bush would have been there too, but he had to catch a flight to Minnesota. The former president was already airborne by the time terrorists (allegedly acting on behalf of his business partners' brother) piloted the first jumbo jet into the World Trade Center. "Shadowy" doesn't even begin to describe this incredibly confusing and convoluted puzzle-box of subterfuge and deceit. Yer old pal Jerky could continue this exercise with the likes of Manuel Noriega, authoritarian Chinese government officials, disgraced former president Richard Nixon, Cuban mass-murderer Orlando Bosch (whom Poppy Bush pardoned), etc, etc, ad nauseum. But I'm worried my ticker won't be able to take the rising tide of rage in my heart that threatens to swallow me whole. If any Dirt readers choose to pick up this ball and run with it, I'll publish the fruits of your research in the Daily Dirt. Cheers! YOPJ *Speaking of Jeddah, here's yet another coincidence to throw on the ever-growing pile of coincidences: that city was the focal point for a disturbing and under-reported scandal whereby the CIA illegally over-ruled State Department employees, essentially forcing them to hand out hundreds of visas to shady individuals from across the Muslim world. Listen to this January 2001 CBC radio interview with whistleblower Michael Springman, a 20-year veteran of the diplomatic corp. Or, you can read this interview Springman granted to conspiracy king Alex Jones. As you listen and read, keep in mind that it was subsequently revealed that fifteen of the nineteen terrorists who allegedly flew airplanes into the Pentagon and the World Trade Towers got their visas from the consulate in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY March 22 On this day in 1733, soda pop comes one step closer to reality when Joseph Priestly becomes the first person to artificially carbonate water. On this day in 1978, 73-year-old "Flying Wallendas" family patriarch Karl Wallenda gets fouled up by strong winds while walking a tight-rope between two Puerto Rican hotels, causing him to fall 120 feet to his death. Perhaps the most annoying thing about Wallenda's legacy is how so many people say "at least he died doing something he loved." This, of course, is pure horse-shit. Does anyone really believe Karl Wallenda "loved" having his frail, aged body smashed into pulp against concrete at two hundred miles per hour?! The sad truth is, Karl Wallenda died while failing miserably at something he loved. Soulful vocalizations from The Fat One and sexy guitar poses from The Hot One help propel Heart's These Dreams to the #1 position on the nation's pop charts on this day in 1986! On this day in 1994, the Dutch Ambassador to the United States upholds the twin Dutch traditions of sycophancy and irrational tulip-worship when he christens a new breed of tulip the Hillary Clinton. Yer old pal Jerky hears tell it's the only breed of tulip that thrives in frigid climates.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by N8Possibilities! Blonde Caller: "Can you give me the telephone number for Jack?" Operator: "I'm sorry, I don't understand who you are talking about." Blonde Caller: "On page 1 section 5, of the user guide it clearly states that I need to unplug the fax machine from the AC wall socket and telephone jack before cleaning." Operator: "Yes?" Blonde Caller: "Well... can you give me the number for Jack?" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal RW Sharp for sending in today's second joke. A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! What are you doing?" So The Monkey says "smoking a joint, come up and have some." So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they share a few puffs. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's wrong with you?" The lizard explains to the Crocodile that he was smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and fell into the river while taking a drink. The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. The Crocodile looks up and says "Hey!" The Monkey looks down and says "Fuuuuuuuck, dude... how much water did you drink?!" WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Jason E... Two men take this young Aggie hunting for the first time. They all take off walking at the crack of dawn. They did'nt get A hundred yards when the aggie says he needs to take a crap. So he walks off the trail pulls his pants down, leaned against a tree and fell asleep. The other two men went on up the trail and shot a deer. On their way back down they saw the aggie leaning against the tree with his pants down. One of the men said lets pull a joke on the aggie while he's sleeping. So they agreed to take the gut pile from the deer they shot and slide it under the aggie while he slept. Later that evening the aggie stumbled into camp all scrached up and covered in blood from head to toe. The two men exclaimed what in the hell happened!?!?!?! The aggie sat down and replied, Yall wont believe this but when I stoped off to take a crap this morning I leaned against a tree and fell asleep. And when I woke up I had done shit all off my guts out. But by the grace of God and a big stick I got em all back in though!!!!!!!!

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: NO SCIENTISTS LEFT BEHIND care of: ACD You may recall the Gingrich "contract with America", every single article of which has been violated by the current Congress and administration. One of their first big "victories" was to cripple American physics by withdrawing the funding for the Superconducting SuperCollider, the successor to FermiLab's Tevatron. FermiLab, the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center (SLAC), the cyclotrons at MIT, CalTech, and the Advanced Institute, and of course the Brookhaven National Laboratory have been the engines of American science for decades. They discovered the quark and most of the other exotic sub-atomic particles that constitute the standard model of quantum physics. They were the envy of the world, the incubator of Nobel prizes, and the feather in our cultural cap. By the late 1990s, the EU's CERN and LHC (the Large Hadron Collider) had surpassed the best American particle accelerators, as have more recently the Japanese. The Chinese will soon bring online a particle accelerator that exceeds the capability of anything in America. Two weeks ago Congress pulled the plug on FermiLab and SLAC. They had already defunded Brookhaven, whose Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider (RHIC) was kept alive for one more year only through the largesse of a New York billionaire. It is likely that Brookhaven will shut down in 2007. Read that again. FermiLab, Stanford, and Brookhaven will all be shut down next year. The flight of American physicists to Geneva and Tokyo has turned into a stampede. Yet there were a few clever and patriotic physicists remaining who devised a very clever way to re-deploy some remaining particle colliders to mimic the work at Geneva's LHC by way of a novel device called a BTeV, that would examine the decay of B mesons emanating from lower-velocity collisions, yet still yield results similar to those from higher-velocity colliders in civilized countries. This past month the Energy Department pulled the plug on all BTeV experiments. In concert with that slap in the face to those physicists remaining in America, the National Science Foundation just killed an experiment called RSVP that would have used the smaller and cheaper Brookhaven accelerator to investigate rare particles that even the folks at LHC cannot yet observe. Our government intentionally stopped experiments that could have kept us abreast of the Europeans and Japanese at a fraction of the cost. Now, we all know that Dubya and Congress do not like smart people. They do not like education. They do not like science. They do not like progress. But still, they do like profit. Ever heard of the CD? The DVD? The MRI? The CAT-scan? The PET-scan? Lasers? Optical readers? Geologic imaging? Fiber optics? The World Wide Web? The transistor? Solid state electronics? Microcomputers? 32-bit encryption? Superconductors? CAD-CAM manufacturing? Plasma TVs? I could go on. But you get the drift. In the future, expect the discoveries, patents, consumer products, and profits from all technologies based on modern physics to be enjoyed exclusively by Europeans and Asians. Last year may have seen the last phsicist on American soil to win a Nobel. And thank the Bush family and Idiot America for the pleasure and privilege of admiring how smart all those First World countries are. We still have Jesus, and He's all we need. - ACD [That is so fucking sad. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! Jerky; With all the sadness and trauma going on in the world at the moment, it is worth reflecting on the death of a very important person, which almost went unnoticed last week. Larry LaPrise, the man that wrote "The Hokey Pokey" died peacefully at the age of 93. The most traumatic part for his family was getting him into the coffin. They put his left leg in. And then the trouble started. David [Sigh. - Jerky] *** **** *** mopj. I was really surprised to click that link to the pink floyd videos... I have had those on my hard drive for several years now... the astronomy domine vid really got me to thinking about sid and the beginnings of the band... after hearing the song all those years to actually seeing it performed (with sid) I couldnt believe sid stood up there and made those noises himself... I always assumed it was a synthesizer doing it!!! keep up the good work... yop mitch [Pig man, pink man; Ha-ha! Charade you are. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey MOPJ; What the fuck was that whole LeeHotti.com thing about? The best I can figure is some sort of gay pride thing or perhaps a forum for pre-op transsexuals. YOPE [You're probably right. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky, Can I ignore the letter Roegster wrote? I mean who is he gonna go after next, Robin Trower or Frank Marino? He could go after Lenny Kravitz, who takes every song he does and runs it through the "Stone Free sound machine" so they all sound like "Stone Free" and whatever he wrote. So There! From deep in the heart of Texas (more like the outer edge of the right kidney of Texas) Richard [You're free to ignore whatever you like. That's the beauty of America. - Jerky] *** **** *** MOPJ, Do you see a trend developing here? YOP, Bob [You mean recent career military veterans running for election as Democrats? Yeah, there definitely is a trend. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; You forgot... blame thw media. Leo [I mentioned it in passing. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky, The Dixie Chicks are back and they ain't backin down. They got a new song and it's free online. These lovely girls got balls and they aren't afraid to use them. They need our support, man! yop Don [It's a good song. Starts up as soon as you load the page. Y'all check it out now, y'hear? - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com